Fear & Loathing On Sarah Palin's Trail

Bill O’Reilly: At this point, it’s almost funny…that these people feel you’re such a threat to them…It’s almost amusing.
Sarah Palin: Well, I’m grinning today, and I’m so appreciative of the opportunity to get to work with you and the other team members here at Fox News to provide the fair and balanced reporting and analysis that voters in this country deserve.
O’Reilly: But it’s the threat I don’t get. You’re the…former governor of Alaska, the former vice presidential candidate. You’re a politician. You’re a mom. You’re an American. What’s the threat?...I’m not feeling it here…Tell me what the threat is.
Pailin: Well, see, Obviously, it’s not about me…personally, who I am from up there in Alaska…
O’Reilly: Yeah, but they’re going after you personally.
Palin: They don’t like the message. They don’t like the common sense conservative solutions that I think I represent and I articulate as I explain what I believe are some of the solutions to the great challenges facing America.
O’Reilly: That’s true. But there are a lot of conservative politicians giving that message, and none of them are as attacked personally and vehemently as you are. And that’s just a fact.

The gravitas of today's subject demands more than the usually cheesy snaps Samsara Samizdat is known for. Hence, we're featuring photographs of both Ms. Cyd Charisse--

And that’s just a fact, indeed. Of all the things happening seen and unseen in this universe, why devote so much time and energy on Private Citizen Palin? Now that she is no longer Governor of the smallest state in the union--or even mayor of a town so small, that outside of Alaska, it couldn’t even afford to fund a full time mayor—she is not in a position to goof up anyone’s lives (other than her own and the members of her extended family). Still, could Sarah Palin somehow stitch together enough of her run on, non-responsive, empty platitudes together, and build a political movement?
No, she could not.
Then why write about her?
After much thought, I’ve come to the following conclusion: because it’s fun and easy.

I mean, if I were really civic minded and cared about the Republic, I’d be writing about Senator Mitch “The Grift” McConnell, who routinely shovels huge barrels of pork to his old Kentucky home at the expense of the nation’s general welfare. Instead, it’s more fun to write about Alaska’s Ted Stevens, and how shocked SHOCKED he was to discover that the improvements to his mountain cabin were worth $410,000—as opposed to the $160,000 his oil industry executive/lobbyist cum general contractor billed him for.

--and renowned actresses being spanked. 
Here, Ms. Larraine Day (aka Mrs. Leo Durocher) 
demonstrates what "having one of those days" 

meant, back in the day.

But I’m not alone in my preference towards the cheap and easy. Why was the country so wholly focused on the timing of sex acts between consenting adults—one of whom happened to be President at the time—when anyone even vaguely paying attention could see the Dot.Com revolution and the NASDAQ were on the edge of tanking? By any measure, the collapse of the internet stock bubble did much more harm to America, than anything Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky did. But stock markets just aren’t as much fun.

But some people and stuff are just magnets for negative attention—which is a piss poor transition to what I’ve discovered while reading Hunter S. Thompson’s immortal classic Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ’72.

Mr. Thompson may be Raul Duke, the sometime sports columnist for Rolling Stone, but he is no Theodore H. White—and that’s a good thing, I suppose:

This is one of the oldest and most effective tricks in politics. Every hack in the business has used it in times of trouble, and it has even been elevated to the level of political mythology in a story about one of Lyndon Johnson’s early campaigns in Texas. The race was close and Johnson was getting worried. Finally he told his campaign manager to start a massive rumour campaign about his opponent’s life-long habit of enjoying carnal knowledge of his own barnyard sows.
“Christ, we can’t get away calling him a pig-fucker,” the campaign manager protested. “Nobody’s going to believe a thing like that.”
“I know,” Johnson replied. “But let’s make the sonofabitch deny it.”
--Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail ‘72

Spankee: Ms. Janet Blair. The Spanker

appears to be Mr. Red Skelton. If for

a minute, I believed such things were

part of the job for Fuller Brush men,

my whole life would have been

different.

The Making of the President 1960 contains no such stories—which is probably while Mr. Thompson’s books are still in print. Though not for long, I imagine. How many hip hop happening groovy cats from Nowsville have even heard of Edmund Muskie or Henry “Scoop” Jackson, let alone John Lindsay or Sam Yorty? It’s fortunate for the memory of the former L.A. Mayor that Yorty’s name has slipped from our collective unconsciousness, where his malicious idiocy and aggressive incompetence entertained generations. But there is no escaping the fact that for most everyone you meet, the struggles of Kennedy, Nixon, Humphrey, and McGovern are about as meaningful and relevant as the battle in The Illiad.


 [The new series of TV spots for Senator Ed Muskie (D-Me.)] were definitely a bit queer. They depicted Muskie as an extremely slow-spoken man who had probably spent half his life over-coming some kind of dreadful speech impediment, only to find himself totally hooked on a bad Downer habit or maybe even smack. The first time I heard a Muskie radio spot I was zipping along on the Rickenbacker Causeway, coming in from Key Biscayne, and I thought it was a new Cheech & Chong record. It was the voice of a man who had done about twelve Reds on the way to the studio—a very funny ad.

Nobody I know of talks like that anymore. Not even Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. Maybe Michael Savage, when he addresses his troops of would be fascisti known as the Savage Nation, but I don’t listen to that program. But I’m pretty sure that Mr. Savage wouldn’t use dated references, like Cheech & Chong, Reds, smack, Downers—or even Senator Muskie.

Still, I’m going to argue there are lessons to be learned from the Godfather of Gonzo.

First and foremost, Sarah Palin today is the George Wallace of 1972:

Ms. Jean Arthur. I can't be sure there
isn't a line forming at the left.

The root of the Wallace magic was a cynical, showbiz instinct for knowing exactly which issues would whip a hall full of beer-drinking factory workers into a frenzy—and then doing exactly that, by howling down from the podium that he had an instant, overnight cure for all their worst afflictions: Taxes? Nigras? Army worms killing the turnip crop? Whatever it was, Wallace assured his supporters that the solution was actually real simple, and that the only reason they had any hassle with the government at all was because those greedy bloodsuckers in Washington didn’t want the problems solved, so they wouldn’t be put out of work.
The ugly truth is that Wallace had never even bothered to understand the problems—much less come up with any honest solutions—but “the Fighting Little Judge” has never lost much sleep from guilt feelings about his personal credibility gap.


But there is a big difference between the Governors of Alabama and Alaska:


The main problem in any democracy is that crowd pleasers are generally brainless swine who can go out on a stage & whup their supporters into an orgiastic frenzy—then go back to the office and sell every one of the poor bastards down the tube for a nickel apiece.

Okay—so opportunism is not one of the differences, as Private Citizen Palin shows when her “common sense conservative solutions” to the Tea Bagger Nation’s ills include more capital gains tax cuts, elimination of inheritance taxes, and increased defense spending.

What is different, though, is what made George Wallace such a potent force. Unlike Sarah Palin, George Wallace was not afraid to work hard. Even if you’ve never even heard the name George Wallace before reading it here, trust me when I say that this Alabaman would have gnawed off both his legs above the knee, before he’d resign the governor’s chair. And then to claim you HAD to resign because a few (and damn few) supposed dingbats had filed too many ethical complaints and freedom of information requests? Fuck that (to coin a phrase). Say what you want about the wild and colorful career of Governor Wallace, he never aspired to lie back on the couch, sipping a diet Dr. Pepper while admiring his Republican National Committee purchased Manolo Blahniks, under the shade of a rolling rack filled with Neiman Marcus garments, all the while soaking up royalties from a ghost written “memoirs”—like someone else I could name.

So, while Sarah Palin is many things—not the least of which is wildly amusing—she has achieved her Peter’s Principle level of incompetence as a low hanging piece of fruit, nothing more. And that won’t change, unless and until she’s ready to get (and keep) a real job. NOTE: Appearing opposite Bill O’Reilly on occasion to bob your head up and down does not count.

Spanker: Ms. Ida Lupino. I'm not sure who the Spankee is, but he looks 

like he belongs on the "naughty" list.

As The Daily Show has clearly demonstrated, idiocy makes for good television—mainly, because the alternative just cannot hold your attention:

The nut of the problem is that covering this presidential campaign is so fucking dull that it’s just barely tolerable…and the only thing worse than going out on the campaign trail and getting hauled around in a booze-frenzy from one speech to another is having to come back to Washington and write about it.

And that was Hunter S. Thompson writing about a race with Humphrey, McGovern, Nixon, Muskie, McCarthy, and Sam Yorty. Imagine a race with the likes of Mitt Romney, where the Parties’ candidates are decided by the late January Florida primary (or the first Tuesday in February, at the latest).


So, real politics is boring—but that’s only half the problem:


[Y]ou tend to forget now and then that about half the people you meet live from one day to the next in a state of such fear and uncertainty that about half the time they honestly doubt their own sanity.
These are not the kind of people who really need to get hung up in depressing political trips. They are not ready for it. Their boats are rocking so badly that all they want to do is get level long enough to think straight and avoid the next nightmare.

Ms. Angie Dickinson and Mr. Dean

Martin, in a scene that did not

appear in Rio Bravo. But if you

want to get technical: nylon pany

hose, stilettos, and cat suits weren't

part of the Olde West either.

Which really is a bummer, as Hunter S. Thompson circa 1973 would mean, but put much better.

Nevertheless, here’s a quote I’ve heard attributed to Nelson Mandela: Everything you do each day is meaningless; and yet, it is vitally important that you do it. I am sorry that so many people doubt their own sanity, but the stakes are too high not to overcome the dullness of what is important. In T.R. Reid’s The Healing of America: A Global Quest for Better, Cheaper, and Fairer Health Care, he cites statistics that more than 20,000 Americans die each year, in otherwise the prime of life, from medical problems that could have been treated—if they had insurance. That’s roughly three times the number of people who died in the September 11 attacks. Why have we spent hundreds of billions on “anti-terrorism,” when our bullshit healthcare system kills many more people?


If we don’t stand up to be counted, our futures will not be decided by opportunists (like George Wallace), idiots (like Sarah Palin), and people who think Bill Ayers really is a big deal (pick your own adjective)—but WILL be decided by lying pukes [NOTE: a value-neutral, non-judgmental term] like the Mitch McConnells, John Ensigns, John Boehners and Eric Cantors of the world.

And that’s just another fact.

Ms. Cyd Charisse. I don't think "Sweetheart of the Navy" carried the same cachet back then that it does now. Or maybe it's just me.

Sarah Palin and the Department of Law

Hear that lonesome Governor
She sounds too blue to rule -- aye.
The self-pity comes a' whining now,
She’s so hounded she could cry….
--Not a song by Hank Williams

Hunter S. Thompson titled the first volume of his selected works The Great White Shark Hunt, and dedicated it to Richard Milhouse Nixon, “who never let me down.” Usually, that’s a nice thing to say about someone, and there is a certain sense of gratitude behind Mr. Thompson’s somewhat snarky remark. After all, it must have been some comfort knowing that no matter what twisted and crazy thoughts he attributed to the Trickster, Mr. Thompson felt secure knowing the truth would prove to be even weirder than anything he could dream up. No doubt Mr. Thompson's spirit is pleased with the revelations from the newly released Nixon tapes, showing Nixon was even more vehemently anti-semitic, profane, and irrational in his drunken rages than anyone—even gonzo journalists—suspected.

Ms. Sophia Loren. If you asked her,
you just know she'd say "Holy crap!
Look at the pictures, and jump to 
the end. It's not worth it."

When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Turn Pro

While fishing with the family on Monday July 6 2009 (What? Don’t most governors take a few days off immediately after giving their three week notice of resignation?), Governor “Spiro” Palin offered still more clairification as to why she abruptly resigned. The Anchorage Daily News reported that Governor Palin was set up to be the victim of a two-pronged attack: ethics complaints on the one hand, and politically ambitious legislators on the other. Together, they would have tag teamed the Governor’s office to the point of total paralysis: "Especially when all these lawmakers are lining up for office. Their desire would be to clobber the administration left and right so that they can position themselves for office. I'm not going to put Alaskans through that," Governor Palin is quoted.

Governor Palin’s July 3 2009 statement also emphasized the persistence of memory of ethics complaints had clocks melting all over the Governor’s office: “The ethics law I championed became their weapon of choice . . . Every one – all 15 of the ethics complaints have been dismissed. We’ve won! . . . It’s pretty insane – my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with THIS instead of progressing (sic) our state now (sic).”

If only she were White House Palin (title to be named later) instead of Governor Palin. Why? Because if Governor Palin were in the White House, she would be protected from frivolous ethics complaints by the Department of Law. As she said to ABC News’s Kate Snow, “I think on a national level, your department of law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we’ve been charged with, and automatically throw them out. And a moron says what."

Okay. I made up that last part.

But just for kicks cf Paul Revere & the Raiders, let’s give the Alaska Governor a Department of Law, and see in those fifteen ethics complaints would have been handled differently.

Mr. Jack Webb. Don't EVEN think of
handing him the wrong number of
ethics complaints you're facing--let
alone mischaracterizing their status.

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!

All person having business before the Honourable, the Governor’s Department of Law of the State of Alaksa, are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the Department is now sitting. God save Alaska and this Honourable Department. 

Or words to the effect.

From the Anchorage Daily News, here are the fifteen ethics complaints Governor Palin complains of.

1. July 28, 2008: Alaska lawmakers launched an investigation into whether Governor Palin abused her power when she fired Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan over his refusal to let go a state trooper involved in a contentious divorce with Palin's sister. 

This is actually two complaints, if not three. First, there are the allegations that Governor Palin used her official capacity for her personal interest in trying to have her ex-brother in law fired as a state trooper. Second, there were complaints that Husband Todd also used Governor Palin’s official capacity (a power he was not entitled to use) to further the same private interest. Finally, there is the complaint by former Public Safety Commissioner Monegan that he was fired by Governor Palin, for refusing to do something that Monegan believed illegal; specifically, firing Governor Palin’s ex-brother in law.

Held: Not automatically thrown out. The allegations against the Mr. and Governor Palin—if true—would in fact violate Alaska law. Additionally, if Commissioner Monegan were fired for refused to violate Alaska law, that could also violate Alaska law. 

Result in real life: Mr. Stephen Branchflower, a special counsel leading the investigation, concluded on Oct. 10 that Palin violated a state ethics law that prohibits public officials from using their office for personal gain. The firing itself was deemed lawful since Monegan was an at-will employee.

2. Aug. 6, 2008: Complaint alleges Governor Palin and some staff members used their influence to get Mr. Tom Lamal, who once co-hosted a Palin fundraiser, a job as a state surveyor. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. Complaint alleges that Mr. Lamal was hired not on merit, but because he raised money for the Governor. If true, could be a violation of Alaska law.

Result in real life: Dismissed by state personnel board, although the board's investigator recommended ethics training for one staffer who made questionable comments in e-mails.

Ms. Sophia Loren. What? Doesn't
everyone put on their opera gloves
before their dress?

3. Aug. 20, 2008: Complaint accuses Governor Palin of breaking election law by taking a public position on a mining ballot initiative days before the vote. 

Held: Automatically thrown out--maybe. I don’t know anything about Alaska election law, and what restrictions officials have on taking public positions. Department might defer to Alaska Public Offices Commission.

Result in real life: Rejected May 8 by the Alaska Public Offices Commission.

August 29, 2008: Governor Palin named GOP vice presidential candidate, political operatives swarm.

4. Sept. 2, 2008: Governor Palin files a "self-disclosure" with the state personnel board over the Troopergate affair, saying a state legislative probe had become too political. 

Held: Um…Not automatically thrown out? If Governor Palin filed this complaint against herself, I’m guessing she did not want the complaint to be dismissed.

Result in real life: On Nov. 3 (the day before the election) Mr. Timothy Petumenos, a lawyer hired by the board, said that Palin violated no ethics laws when she fired Commissioner Monegan.

5. Sept. 3, 2008: Complaint by the Public Safety Employees Association alleged Palin or her staff had unauthorized access to, and improperly disclosed information from, personnel records of Trooper Mike Wooten, Palin's ex-brother-in-law. Complaint was later amended to include an allegation of harassment. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. The allegations by the Union, if true, would be a violation of Alaska law.

Held in real life: The PSEA's allegations were investigated alongside Palin's filing and dismissed.

Ms. Anita Eckberg. Not everyone can 
wear heels at the beach.

6. Oct. 13, 2008: Former Public Safety Commissioner Monegan asked the board for a hearing to clear his name. 

Held: Automatically thrown out. Apparently, the panel has no jurisdiction to give Commissioner Monegan the relief he is seeking.

Result in real life: Mr. Petumenos, in his Nov. 3 Troopergate report to the panel, said there was no legal basis or jurisdiction for such a hearing.

7. Oct. 23, 2008: Complaint with the Federal Election Commission (FEC), alleging the $150,000-plus designer wardrobe the Republican Party bought to outfit Governor Palin in her vice presidential quest violated Federal Election Campaign Act. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. First, this was a complaint to the FEC, and the imaginary Alaska Governor’s Department of Law has no authority to order the FEC to dismiss complaints. Second, the allegations (if true) would violate the Federal Election Campaign Act, because donor money cannot be used for personal expenses.

Result in real life: The FEC ruled May 19 that party money is not covered by the ban.

8. Oct. 24, 2008: Complaint alleges Governor Palin abused her power by charging the state when her children traveled with her. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. If true, the allegation would be a violation of Alaska law.

Result in real life: The personnel board found no wrongdoing, but in a Feb. 23 settlement Palin agreed to reimburse the state about $10,000 for costs associated with 10 trips found to be of questionable state interest among 72 travel authorizations studied.

Ms. Jane Russell. Like I said before, no
matter how stupid, Ms. Russell could
make anything look almost normal.

9. Nov. 14, 2008: Complaint accuses Governor Palin of partisan "post-election damage control" for talking to reporters about the campaign in her state office. 

Held: Automatically thrown out, but without prejudice. Alaska law prohibits use of state facilities for campaigning for office. If the complaint is amended to list how Governor Palin's actions could be considered “campaigning,” then this may be a valid compaint. 

Result in real life: Dismissed by state personnel board March 23.

10. Dec. 2, 2008: Alleged Palin violated ethics law by campaigning for Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia. 

Held: Automatically thrown out (probably). I don’t know the specifics of Alaska law, and what limits there are on campaigning for out of state candidates. I’m just guessing here, but unless there was an allegation that Governor Palin was using state resources to campaign for Senator Saxby (and there does not appear to be), then I doubt there is a valid complaint. If there is such an allegation, though, I’m going to defer to the state personal board.

Result in real life: Dismissed by state personnel board March 23.

11. Dec. 18, 2008: Complaint contended Palin misused funds of the Alaska Seafood Marketing Institute, a quasi-government entity, to promote her political ambitions with ads featuring her, thus violating ethics law. The ads promoting Alaska seafood ran in the National Fisherman last year through November. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. Probably. This is another tricky one, because I don’t know anything about Alaska law. However, the allegations (again, if true) sound to me like they could be a violation of ethics laws. The key (I’m guessing) is what funds were used, and how those moneys were spent. 

Result in real life: Dismissed Jan. 12 after a personnel board investigation determined Palin's only involvement was to give permission to use her image long before she was named McCain's running mate. 

Pretty much just as I predicted!

Not Edna Birch.

12. Jan. 12, 2009: Complaint alleging interference in a job hiring was filed under the name of Edna Birch, a busybody character on the British soap opera "Emmerdale." Palin's attorney, Thomas Van Flein, said no one by that name could be found living in Alaska and the filer refused to use a real name.

Held: Automatically thrown out. Complainant failed to appear to pursue claim. Department does note, however, that the Department has never even heard of either Emmerdale or Edna Birch, and wishes the Complainant had used the name “Mrs. Emma Peel,” as Ms. Diana Rigg’s hotness would lend the allegations considerable gravitas. 

Result in real life: Complaint was dismissed Feb. 20.

13. and 14. Jan. 26, 2009: Two complaints allege two of Governor Palin's top aides misused their positions for Palin's personal and political gain. Specifically, then-press secretary Bill McAllister and Kris Perry (director of the governor's Anchorage office) worked on state time to benefit Palin's interests during and after her vice presidential quest. 

Held: Neither complaint is automatically thrown out, as allegations do state a violation of law.

Result in real life: The complaint against Perry was dismissed June 17. The complaint against McAllister is pending.

15. March 18, 2009: Complaint alleges Governor Palin improperly used state staff, property, time and equipment for partisan political purposes. One of the grievances cited was Palin's posting of her veep candidacy on the official state governor's Web site: http://gov.state.ak.us/archive.php?id=1439&type=1. 

Held: Crap. Let’s say automatically thrown out, without prejudice. I need more information about what were the specific allegations about state money spent for campaigning, and whether Governor Palin’s posting her candidacy on a state web site is “campaigning” under Alaska law. 

Result in real life: Dismissed by personnel board May 27 as lacking merit.

Ms. Elizabeth Taylor. She got tired of
wading through the laundry list of
complaints, so she decided to hit the
beach. She advises you to do the
same.

16. March 24, 2009: Alleges conflict of interest by Governor Palin, because she wore Arctic Cat logo gear during the Tesoro Iron Dog snowmobile race. Palin's husband, Todd, was sponsored by Arctic Cat in the race. 

Held: Automatically thrown out—probably. I need more information. To avoid automatic throwing out, the complaint would have to allege that Governor Palin used her official capacity to actively promote Arctic Cat for personal gain. If that is the substance of the complaint, then there is no throwing out automatically.

Result in real life: Dismissed June 2.

17. April 22, 2009: Alleges that the work of Governor Palin's political action committee violated two provisions of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act, by misusing her official position and the Governor accepting employment outside the state. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out—probably. Again, this requires more knowledge of Alaska law than I have, but it sounds like the allegations would in fact be a violation of state law. I would defer to the state personal board.

Result in real life: Dismissed as lacking merit by state personnel board May 8.

18. April 27, 2009: Alleges that Governor Palin is misusing the governor's office for personal gain by securing unwarranted benefits, and receiving improper gifts through the Alaska Fund Trust. Supporters established this fund to help Governor Palin pay legal bills. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. The state and federal regulations surrounding PACs, and how can spend their money is far beyond the expertise of any imaginary Department of Law. If there is even the remotest substance to the complaint, automatic throw out would not be appropriate. 

Result in real life: Complaint pending.

Ms. Sophia Loren. She fits nice in most
chairs.

19. April 31, 2009: Complaint alleges that Governor Palin either knew or should have known she was lying when she claimed in her July 3, 2009 statement that “all 15 of the ethics complaints” against her have been “dismissed,” because she “won.” The actual number of complaints is greater than fifteen, she has in fact “lost” some of the complaints, and others are still pending.

Held: Department of Law recuses itself, because of the close ties between Department members and Samsara Samizdat, the Complainant. 

Result in real life: Dismissed for lack of jurisdiction. The state personal board lacks legislative authority to rule on imaginary complaints filed by imaginary people on imaginary dates.

20. June 31, 2009: Complaint alleges Governor Palin failed to disclose to state and federal authorities (including but not limited to the Internal Revenue Service) that all or some part of the 2002 construction of her Wasilla home was given to her or her family, in the form of goods and/or services, by contractors and/or subcontractors of the Wasilla Sports Complex, because it just does not seem credible that her fisherman husband and a few friends could have built a two-story 3,450 square foot home—despite the fact that even MENTIONING it is considered re-publication of defamatory material without answering to it in a court of law or being responsible for the abuse of right to free speech under the Alaska Constitution and continuing to publish what Mr. Thomas Van Flein believes to be falsehoods of criminal activity (just his personal opinion) is reckless, done without any regard for the truth, and is actionable.

Held: Department of Law recuses itself, because of the close ties between Department members and Samsara Samizdat, the Complainant. 

Result in real life: Dismissed for lack of jurisdiction. The state personal board lacks legislative authority to rule on imaginary complaints filed by imaginary people on imaginary dates .

Ethics complaints to the left! Legislators
to the right! Here I am: stuck in the
middle with my (unspecified) Higher 
Power. Well, it sounds better with the music.

And the Winner is…………….

Adding up the results, there are a total of twenty-one ethics complaints, two of which do not count, because they are imaginary. I am splitting the first complaint into two parts: a) Governor and Mr. Palin’s abuse of authority, and b) the firing of Commissioner Monegan:

Motion to Automatically Throw Out granted
3. Public position on mining ballot initiative
6. Commissioner Monegan’s request for hearing to clear his name
9. Talking to reporters in State offices
10. Campaigning for Senator Saxby
12. Not hiring “Edna Birch”
15. Posting news of nomination to vice president on State web site
16. Wearing Arctic Cat logo

Complaint dismissed after investigation
1. (b) Firing of Commissioner Monegan
4. “Self Disclosure” filing on firing Commissioner Monegan
5. Improper disclosure of Trooper Wooten personnel information
7. FEC complaint re $150,000 worth of clothes
11. Ad for Alaska Seafood Marketing Institute
14. Kris Perry using official capacity for Governor Palin’s personal gain
17. PAC violated Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act

Resolution of complaint pending
13. Press secretary McAllister using official capacity for Governor Palin’s personal gain
18. Misuse of official capacity with Governor Palin’s PAC

Violation of law found
1(a) – Abuse of Governor’s official capacity, by both Sarah and Todd Palin, regarding efforts to have State Trooper Wooten fired
2. Hiring of Mr. Tom Lamal as state surveyor
8. Charging State for children’s travel 

Products of a diseased imagination
19. Governor Palin lied when she claimed she had won all fifteen complaints against her
20. Who on earth built and paid for that house in Wasilla?

While the imaginary Alaska Department of Law automatically threw out seven of the nineteen complaints, I cannot imagine that any objective observer would think that the seven complaints that were dismissed after investigation did not merit further study. They were far from frivolous—with the possible exception of the Seafood Marketing ad. I needed more information about that complaint, as well as the Arctic Cat logo controversy (which was automatically thrown out). Between the two, I think I split the proverbial baby: one in, one out.

Ms. Colleen Miller. What? Doesn't
everyone takes their clothes off to
read the mail?

More importantly, contrary to Governor Palin’s claims, she has not “won” all the complaints lodged against her. For example, two complaints are still pending. Second, while reasonable minds can differ as to whether charging the children’s travel to the state was a “violation,” I will argue there was a finding of fault. While no violation was found, Governor Palin did reimburse the State for $10,000, after ten of the seventy-two trips reviewed were found to be of “questionable state interest.” Additionally, for the complaint regarding hiring Governor Palin fundraiser Mr. Tom Lamal, at least one person on the Governor's staff needed "special training" in the State's ethics law. That certainly does not mean the original complaint was frivolous. 

However, there is no debate that both Mr. and Governor Palin violated state ethics law, using Governor Palin’s official capacity for personal gain, when they tried to get their ex-brother in law fired.

All in all, I don't think an active Department of Law (with the power to Automatically Throw Out Complaints) would have made any difference.

Well--Yeah, But........

Here's one more point I find troubling. Governor Palin insists that both she and her office are wholly overwhelmed by these complaints, to the point Alaska is ungovernable. These nineteen complaints do not strike me as exactly insurmountable, especially over a one year period. And is dealing with these ethical complaints more time consuming than--let's just say--running for vice president of the United States?

To be fair, Governor Palin says both the ethics complaints and anticipated attacks from ambitious legislators are what keeps her from governing as governor. But what state Governor isn't getting bird dogged by their legislature? Especially now, with many states (like Alaska) facing horrific budget shortfalls (like 1.35 billion, or 30% of the state's entire budget).

Ms. Diana Rigg. "What did I tell you about asking me who paid for and built my house?"

It just seems there is something else going on here...But you know me: I LIVE to re-publicate defamatory material without answering to it in a court of law or being responsible for the abuse of right to free speech under the Alaska Constitution and continuing to publish falsehoods of criminal activity recklessly without any regard for the truth which some people threaten as being actionable.

But I'm just saying here. No, I mean right here.

Mr. Karstan Lovorn also contributed to this note, but specifically asked not to be mentioned.