Why Sarah Palin is Dumber than a Box of Rocks . . .

. . . Or: Why You Don't need a Weatherman to Know Which Way the Wind Blows

Look out kid
Don't matter what you did
Walk on your tip toes
Don't try No Doz
Better stay away from those
That carry round a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the plain clothes
You don't need a weatherman
To know which way the wind blows . . .
--Lyric no one in Generation Y would ever admit to recognizing

Oh, what a day it's has been, pals and gals. Now, just to see if you all were paying attention, what has been the most important happening, effecting the upcoming Presidential election? Was it the Dow Jones Industrial Average measure of the US stock market loses another 679 points on September 9, 2008, to close below 8,600 points for the first time in five years? Or that over the past 12 months, the US stock market has lost 40% of its value, or roughly $8.33 trillion USD? Was it the US federal government giving Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson $700 billion USD to do with what he wishes? Maybe it was the $85 billion USD promised in the federal seizure of AIG? Or the conservatorship to shore up Frannie Mae and Freddie Mac, with the Treasury Department's ability to pour money limited ONLY by the federal debt ceiling? Lots to choose from: there's Lehrman Brothers, the largest bankruptcy in US history. Or the government having to step in and massage the takeovers of Merrill Lynch, Bear Sterns, and Washington Mutual.

How about the fact that most all those things happened in about a two month period?

Sorry—trick question: the biggest, most important event to come down the pike was Mr. Bill Ayers.

All over the country, Americans are turning to each other with one question on their lips: Who the hell is Bill Ayers? But for me and (at best) a few dozen other Fellow Travelers as were, we said something along the lines of "Oh Holy Sweet Baby Jesus! Please let them be talking about another Bill Ayers . . ."

I started writing this note with a brief history of Weatherman, how they became Weather Underground, and whether you do in fact need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. Trust me—it was heady stuff. Then, I got to the really juicy parts: how I joined a clandestine revolutionary party thirty years ago (I'm younger than Mr. Ayers. His involvement happened forty years ago). How I had this giant bee in my bonnet over the fact that while America had stopped engaging in pointless and idiotic wars all over Southeast Asia, America was fighting pointless and idiotic wars all over Latin America.

Mr. Bill Ayers. As was . . .

Still to this day, I'm fascinated by that crap, writing blistering reviews on Amazon.com (it's free!) with a handful of other jerks, all of whom have too much time on their hands and could probably spend their time more effectively trying to get a girlfriend. But we digress.

After all, (in the immortal words of Gene Autry): So what? So what if Senator Obama was (or even GASP! still is) associated with Bill Ayers?

The Grand Old Party would have you believe that Senator Obama's hobnobbing with someone who is currently a college professor, but four decades ago worked with a group that were 'bombers' only in the broadest sense of the word, shows 'bad character.' Or 'bad judgment.' I would have you believe Senator Obama's association with Bill Ayers shows both 'good character' AND 'good judgment.' Heck, even Senator Obama claims to associate with Henry Kissinger—talk about your REAL bombers. I kid you not, my arguments were cogent to the bone. Unanswerable. Unassailable. Just like when I school those jerks on Amazon.

. . . and is now--the kind of guy you'd probably buy a used car from.

Then, I just poo-poo canned (How long are we going to be living with internet filters?) the whole thing, just like in the old Bill Murray routine on SNL, when he made his annual Oscar predictions. He'd stare at his posted list of best supporting actor/actress, and say 'You know--I have given this a lotta thought. A whole lotta of thought. And I've decided. . . that no one cares." And he'd tear off all the names for both categories, throwing them on the floor. Similarly, just how 'bad' of a bad character would a politician have to have, before my concerns about their private life outweighed my concern about the Dow Jones Industrial Average losing 40% of its value in a year's time?

For those of you who do not know me, in the circles I travel (with all due modesty), I am renowned for my talents in the inappropriate, grotesque, and downright unseemingly turn of phrase. The Internet's so called 'filters' are my meat (no pun intended).

Who is less equipped to deal with the current financial crisis? A box of rocks . . .

So I am going to ask you to trust me when I tell you that to interest me in a 'character' issue, multiple lines would have to be crossed. I'm not talking gender and frequency here: I'm talking groups, species, uneven parallel bars, bizarre costumes, teeter totters, even foreign substances—all at the same time--before I would say something other than "Yeah yeah yeah. But what about this fiscal crisis we're in? What's your plan for that?"

. . . or Governor Sarah Palin?

Governor Palin has shown virtually every time she opens her mouth that she is both shameless and in way over her head. In other words: dumber than a box of rocks. Senator McCain, on the other hand, has shown many times through his long career of public service that he is not dumber than a box of rocks. Which is worse, because the only thing worse than a candidate for political office being a low grade moron, is a candidate for political office banking on the fact that I am a low grade moron.

Senator McCain has gamboled his little all on the fact that just enough American voters will remain dazzled by Governor Palin's idiocy and outraged by the forty years past actions of an acquaintance of Senator Obama. He should be ashamed of himself, because he clearly does know better.

And you don't need a weatherman to know from whence that ill wind blows.