Sarah Palin and the Department of Law

Hear that lonesome Governor
She sounds too blue to rule -- aye.
The self-pity comes a' whining now,
She’s so hounded she could cry….
--Not a song by Hank Williams

Hunter S. Thompson titled the first volume of his selected works The Great White Shark Hunt, and dedicated it to Richard Milhouse Nixon, “who never let me down.” Usually, that’s a nice thing to say about someone, and there is a certain sense of gratitude behind Mr. Thompson’s somewhat snarky remark. After all, it must have been some comfort knowing that no matter what twisted and crazy thoughts he attributed to the Trickster, Mr. Thompson felt secure knowing the truth would prove to be even weirder than anything he could dream up. No doubt Mr. Thompson's spirit is pleased with the revelations from the newly released Nixon tapes, showing Nixon was even more vehemently anti-semitic, profane, and irrational in his drunken rages than anyone—even gonzo journalists—suspected.

Ms. Sophia Loren. If you asked her,
you just know she'd say "Holy crap!
Look at the pictures, and jump to 
the end. It's not worth it."

When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Turn Pro

While fishing with the family on Monday July 6 2009 (What? Don’t most governors take a few days off immediately after giving their three week notice of resignation?), Governor “Spiro” Palin offered still more clairification as to why she abruptly resigned. The Anchorage Daily News reported that Governor Palin was set up to be the victim of a two-pronged attack: ethics complaints on the one hand, and politically ambitious legislators on the other. Together, they would have tag teamed the Governor’s office to the point of total paralysis: "Especially when all these lawmakers are lining up for office. Their desire would be to clobber the administration left and right so that they can position themselves for office. I'm not going to put Alaskans through that," Governor Palin is quoted.

Governor Palin’s July 3 2009 statement also emphasized the persistence of memory of ethics complaints had clocks melting all over the Governor’s office: “The ethics law I championed became their weapon of choice . . . Every one – all 15 of the ethics complaints have been dismissed. We’ve won! . . . It’s pretty insane – my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with THIS instead of progressing (sic) our state now (sic).”

If only she were White House Palin (title to be named later) instead of Governor Palin. Why? Because if Governor Palin were in the White House, she would be protected from frivolous ethics complaints by the Department of Law. As she said to ABC News’s Kate Snow, “I think on a national level, your department of law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we’ve been charged with, and automatically throw them out. And a moron says what."

Okay. I made up that last part.

But just for kicks cf Paul Revere & the Raiders, let’s give the Alaska Governor a Department of Law, and see in those fifteen ethics complaints would have been handled differently.

Mr. Jack Webb. Don't EVEN think of
handing him the wrong number of
ethics complaints you're facing--let
alone mischaracterizing their status.

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!

All person having business before the Honourable, the Governor’s Department of Law of the State of Alaksa, are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the Department is now sitting. God save Alaska and this Honourable Department. 

Or words to the effect.

From the Anchorage Daily News, here are the fifteen ethics complaints Governor Palin complains of.

1. July 28, 2008: Alaska lawmakers launched an investigation into whether Governor Palin abused her power when she fired Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan over his refusal to let go a state trooper involved in a contentious divorce with Palin's sister. 

This is actually two complaints, if not three. First, there are the allegations that Governor Palin used her official capacity for her personal interest in trying to have her ex-brother in law fired as a state trooper. Second, there were complaints that Husband Todd also used Governor Palin’s official capacity (a power he was not entitled to use) to further the same private interest. Finally, there is the complaint by former Public Safety Commissioner Monegan that he was fired by Governor Palin, for refusing to do something that Monegan believed illegal; specifically, firing Governor Palin’s ex-brother in law.

Held: Not automatically thrown out. The allegations against the Mr. and Governor Palin—if true—would in fact violate Alaska law. Additionally, if Commissioner Monegan were fired for refused to violate Alaska law, that could also violate Alaska law. 

Result in real life: Mr. Stephen Branchflower, a special counsel leading the investigation, concluded on Oct. 10 that Palin violated a state ethics law that prohibits public officials from using their office for personal gain. The firing itself was deemed lawful since Monegan was an at-will employee.

2. Aug. 6, 2008: Complaint alleges Governor Palin and some staff members used their influence to get Mr. Tom Lamal, who once co-hosted a Palin fundraiser, a job as a state surveyor. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. Complaint alleges that Mr. Lamal was hired not on merit, but because he raised money for the Governor. If true, could be a violation of Alaska law.

Result in real life: Dismissed by state personnel board, although the board's investigator recommended ethics training for one staffer who made questionable comments in e-mails.

Ms. Sophia Loren. What? Doesn't
everyone put on their opera gloves
before their dress?

3. Aug. 20, 2008: Complaint accuses Governor Palin of breaking election law by taking a public position on a mining ballot initiative days before the vote. 

Held: Automatically thrown out--maybe. I don’t know anything about Alaska election law, and what restrictions officials have on taking public positions. Department might defer to Alaska Public Offices Commission.

Result in real life: Rejected May 8 by the Alaska Public Offices Commission.

August 29, 2008: Governor Palin named GOP vice presidential candidate, political operatives swarm.

4. Sept. 2, 2008: Governor Palin files a "self-disclosure" with the state personnel board over the Troopergate affair, saying a state legislative probe had become too political. 

Held: Um…Not automatically thrown out? If Governor Palin filed this complaint against herself, I’m guessing she did not want the complaint to be dismissed.

Result in real life: On Nov. 3 (the day before the election) Mr. Timothy Petumenos, a lawyer hired by the board, said that Palin violated no ethics laws when she fired Commissioner Monegan.

5. Sept. 3, 2008: Complaint by the Public Safety Employees Association alleged Palin or her staff had unauthorized access to, and improperly disclosed information from, personnel records of Trooper Mike Wooten, Palin's ex-brother-in-law. Complaint was later amended to include an allegation of harassment. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. The allegations by the Union, if true, would be a violation of Alaska law.

Held in real life: The PSEA's allegations were investigated alongside Palin's filing and dismissed.

Ms. Anita Eckberg. Not everyone can 
wear heels at the beach.

6. Oct. 13, 2008: Former Public Safety Commissioner Monegan asked the board for a hearing to clear his name. 

Held: Automatically thrown out. Apparently, the panel has no jurisdiction to give Commissioner Monegan the relief he is seeking.

Result in real life: Mr. Petumenos, in his Nov. 3 Troopergate report to the panel, said there was no legal basis or jurisdiction for such a hearing.

7. Oct. 23, 2008: Complaint with the Federal Election Commission (FEC), alleging the $150,000-plus designer wardrobe the Republican Party bought to outfit Governor Palin in her vice presidential quest violated Federal Election Campaign Act. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. First, this was a complaint to the FEC, and the imaginary Alaska Governor’s Department of Law has no authority to order the FEC to dismiss complaints. Second, the allegations (if true) would violate the Federal Election Campaign Act, because donor money cannot be used for personal expenses.

Result in real life: The FEC ruled May 19 that party money is not covered by the ban.

8. Oct. 24, 2008: Complaint alleges Governor Palin abused her power by charging the state when her children traveled with her. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. If true, the allegation would be a violation of Alaska law.

Result in real life: The personnel board found no wrongdoing, but in a Feb. 23 settlement Palin agreed to reimburse the state about $10,000 for costs associated with 10 trips found to be of questionable state interest among 72 travel authorizations studied.

Ms. Jane Russell. Like I said before, no
matter how stupid, Ms. Russell could
make anything look almost normal.

9. Nov. 14, 2008: Complaint accuses Governor Palin of partisan "post-election damage control" for talking to reporters about the campaign in her state office. 

Held: Automatically thrown out, but without prejudice. Alaska law prohibits use of state facilities for campaigning for office. If the complaint is amended to list how Governor Palin's actions could be considered “campaigning,” then this may be a valid compaint. 

Result in real life: Dismissed by state personnel board March 23.

10. Dec. 2, 2008: Alleged Palin violated ethics law by campaigning for Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia. 

Held: Automatically thrown out (probably). I don’t know the specifics of Alaska law, and what limits there are on campaigning for out of state candidates. I’m just guessing here, but unless there was an allegation that Governor Palin was using state resources to campaign for Senator Saxby (and there does not appear to be), then I doubt there is a valid complaint. If there is such an allegation, though, I’m going to defer to the state personal board.

Result in real life: Dismissed by state personnel board March 23.

11. Dec. 18, 2008: Complaint contended Palin misused funds of the Alaska Seafood Marketing Institute, a quasi-government entity, to promote her political ambitions with ads featuring her, thus violating ethics law. The ads promoting Alaska seafood ran in the National Fisherman last year through November. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. Probably. This is another tricky one, because I don’t know anything about Alaska law. However, the allegations (again, if true) sound to me like they could be a violation of ethics laws. The key (I’m guessing) is what funds were used, and how those moneys were spent. 

Result in real life: Dismissed Jan. 12 after a personnel board investigation determined Palin's only involvement was to give permission to use her image long before she was named McCain's running mate. 

Pretty much just as I predicted!

Not Edna Birch.

12. Jan. 12, 2009: Complaint alleging interference in a job hiring was filed under the name of Edna Birch, a busybody character on the British soap opera "Emmerdale." Palin's attorney, Thomas Van Flein, said no one by that name could be found living in Alaska and the filer refused to use a real name.

Held: Automatically thrown out. Complainant failed to appear to pursue claim. Department does note, however, that the Department has never even heard of either Emmerdale or Edna Birch, and wishes the Complainant had used the name “Mrs. Emma Peel,” as Ms. Diana Rigg’s hotness would lend the allegations considerable gravitas. 

Result in real life: Complaint was dismissed Feb. 20.

13. and 14. Jan. 26, 2009: Two complaints allege two of Governor Palin's top aides misused their positions for Palin's personal and political gain. Specifically, then-press secretary Bill McAllister and Kris Perry (director of the governor's Anchorage office) worked on state time to benefit Palin's interests during and after her vice presidential quest. 

Held: Neither complaint is automatically thrown out, as allegations do state a violation of law.

Result in real life: The complaint against Perry was dismissed June 17. The complaint against McAllister is pending.

15. March 18, 2009: Complaint alleges Governor Palin improperly used state staff, property, time and equipment for partisan political purposes. One of the grievances cited was Palin's posting of her veep candidacy on the official state governor's Web site: http://gov.state.ak.us/archive.php?id=1439&type=1. 

Held: Crap. Let’s say automatically thrown out, without prejudice. I need more information about what were the specific allegations about state money spent for campaigning, and whether Governor Palin’s posting her candidacy on a state web site is “campaigning” under Alaska law. 

Result in real life: Dismissed by personnel board May 27 as lacking merit.

Ms. Elizabeth Taylor. She got tired of
wading through the laundry list of
complaints, so she decided to hit the
beach. She advises you to do the
same.

16. March 24, 2009: Alleges conflict of interest by Governor Palin, because she wore Arctic Cat logo gear during the Tesoro Iron Dog snowmobile race. Palin's husband, Todd, was sponsored by Arctic Cat in the race. 

Held: Automatically thrown out—probably. I need more information. To avoid automatic throwing out, the complaint would have to allege that Governor Palin used her official capacity to actively promote Arctic Cat for personal gain. If that is the substance of the complaint, then there is no throwing out automatically.

Result in real life: Dismissed June 2.

17. April 22, 2009: Alleges that the work of Governor Palin's political action committee violated two provisions of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act, by misusing her official position and the Governor accepting employment outside the state. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out—probably. Again, this requires more knowledge of Alaska law than I have, but it sounds like the allegations would in fact be a violation of state law. I would defer to the state personal board.

Result in real life: Dismissed as lacking merit by state personnel board May 8.

18. April 27, 2009: Alleges that Governor Palin is misusing the governor's office for personal gain by securing unwarranted benefits, and receiving improper gifts through the Alaska Fund Trust. Supporters established this fund to help Governor Palin pay legal bills. 

Held: Not automatically thrown out. The state and federal regulations surrounding PACs, and how can spend their money is far beyond the expertise of any imaginary Department of Law. If there is even the remotest substance to the complaint, automatic throw out would not be appropriate. 

Result in real life: Complaint pending.

Ms. Sophia Loren. She fits nice in most
chairs.

19. April 31, 2009: Complaint alleges that Governor Palin either knew or should have known she was lying when she claimed in her July 3, 2009 statement that “all 15 of the ethics complaints” against her have been “dismissed,” because she “won.” The actual number of complaints is greater than fifteen, she has in fact “lost” some of the complaints, and others are still pending.

Held: Department of Law recuses itself, because of the close ties between Department members and Samsara Samizdat, the Complainant. 

Result in real life: Dismissed for lack of jurisdiction. The state personal board lacks legislative authority to rule on imaginary complaints filed by imaginary people on imaginary dates.

20. June 31, 2009: Complaint alleges Governor Palin failed to disclose to state and federal authorities (including but not limited to the Internal Revenue Service) that all or some part of the 2002 construction of her Wasilla home was given to her or her family, in the form of goods and/or services, by contractors and/or subcontractors of the Wasilla Sports Complex, because it just does not seem credible that her fisherman husband and a few friends could have built a two-story 3,450 square foot home—despite the fact that even MENTIONING it is considered re-publication of defamatory material without answering to it in a court of law or being responsible for the abuse of right to free speech under the Alaska Constitution and continuing to publish what Mr. Thomas Van Flein believes to be falsehoods of criminal activity (just his personal opinion) is reckless, done without any regard for the truth, and is actionable.

Held: Department of Law recuses itself, because of the close ties between Department members and Samsara Samizdat, the Complainant. 

Result in real life: Dismissed for lack of jurisdiction. The state personal board lacks legislative authority to rule on imaginary complaints filed by imaginary people on imaginary dates .

Ethics complaints to the left! Legislators
to the right! Here I am: stuck in the
middle with my (unspecified) Higher 
Power. Well, it sounds better with the music.

And the Winner is…………….

Adding up the results, there are a total of twenty-one ethics complaints, two of which do not count, because they are imaginary. I am splitting the first complaint into two parts: a) Governor and Mr. Palin’s abuse of authority, and b) the firing of Commissioner Monegan:

Motion to Automatically Throw Out granted
3. Public position on mining ballot initiative
6. Commissioner Monegan’s request for hearing to clear his name
9. Talking to reporters in State offices
10. Campaigning for Senator Saxby
12. Not hiring “Edna Birch”
15. Posting news of nomination to vice president on State web site
16. Wearing Arctic Cat logo

Complaint dismissed after investigation
1. (b) Firing of Commissioner Monegan
4. “Self Disclosure” filing on firing Commissioner Monegan
5. Improper disclosure of Trooper Wooten personnel information
7. FEC complaint re $150,000 worth of clothes
11. Ad for Alaska Seafood Marketing Institute
14. Kris Perry using official capacity for Governor Palin’s personal gain
17. PAC violated Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act

Resolution of complaint pending
13. Press secretary McAllister using official capacity for Governor Palin’s personal gain
18. Misuse of official capacity with Governor Palin’s PAC

Violation of law found
1(a) – Abuse of Governor’s official capacity, by both Sarah and Todd Palin, regarding efforts to have State Trooper Wooten fired
2. Hiring of Mr. Tom Lamal as state surveyor
8. Charging State for children’s travel 

Products of a diseased imagination
19. Governor Palin lied when she claimed she had won all fifteen complaints against her
20. Who on earth built and paid for that house in Wasilla?

While the imaginary Alaska Department of Law automatically threw out seven of the nineteen complaints, I cannot imagine that any objective observer would think that the seven complaints that were dismissed after investigation did not merit further study. They were far from frivolous—with the possible exception of the Seafood Marketing ad. I needed more information about that complaint, as well as the Arctic Cat logo controversy (which was automatically thrown out). Between the two, I think I split the proverbial baby: one in, one out.

Ms. Colleen Miller. What? Doesn't
everyone takes their clothes off to
read the mail?

More importantly, contrary to Governor Palin’s claims, she has not “won” all the complaints lodged against her. For example, two complaints are still pending. Second, while reasonable minds can differ as to whether charging the children’s travel to the state was a “violation,” I will argue there was a finding of fault. While no violation was found, Governor Palin did reimburse the State for $10,000, after ten of the seventy-two trips reviewed were found to be of “questionable state interest.” Additionally, for the complaint regarding hiring Governor Palin fundraiser Mr. Tom Lamal, at least one person on the Governor's staff needed "special training" in the State's ethics law. That certainly does not mean the original complaint was frivolous. 

However, there is no debate that both Mr. and Governor Palin violated state ethics law, using Governor Palin’s official capacity for personal gain, when they tried to get their ex-brother in law fired.

All in all, I don't think an active Department of Law (with the power to Automatically Throw Out Complaints) would have made any difference.

Well--Yeah, But........

Here's one more point I find troubling. Governor Palin insists that both she and her office are wholly overwhelmed by these complaints, to the point Alaska is ungovernable. These nineteen complaints do not strike me as exactly insurmountable, especially over a one year period. And is dealing with these ethical complaints more time consuming than--let's just say--running for vice president of the United States?

To be fair, Governor Palin says both the ethics complaints and anticipated attacks from ambitious legislators are what keeps her from governing as governor. But what state Governor isn't getting bird dogged by their legislature? Especially now, with many states (like Alaska) facing horrific budget shortfalls (like 1.35 billion, or 30% of the state's entire budget).

Ms. Diana Rigg. "What did I tell you about asking me who paid for and built my house?"

It just seems there is something else going on here...But you know me: I LIVE to re-publicate defamatory material without answering to it in a court of law or being responsible for the abuse of right to free speech under the Alaska Constitution and continuing to publish falsehoods of criminal activity recklessly without any regard for the truth which some people threaten as being actionable.

But I'm just saying here. No, I mean right here.

Mr. Karstan Lovorn also contributed to this note, but specifically asked not to be mentioned.

Palin's Enemies List

Palin and Her Enemies
A New York Times column by Ross Douthat

I have no doubt my friend Bob will be as disappointed as anyone that The Bob Rule remains in effect. As Bob told me twenty odd years ago: to be a successful politician, you have to have only one thing, and that’s absolutely no sense of self-consciousness or embarrassment. 

Ms. Jayne Mansfield. You don't want to
know how much time I spent agonizing
over which picture of Ms. Mansfield I
would use to lead this article.

For example, during Clinton administration, notoriously successful politician Senator Orrin Hatch spent all his time and efforts trying to block every single appointment to the federal bench. Then, George W. Bush becomes President, and nominates a series judicial candidates that are flatly unqualified. When members of the Judiciary Committee start to take issue with some (but not all) of these nominees, Senator Hatch rents his garments at the unfairness of it all. How DARE anyone block these poor candidates from getting a vote on the Senate floor? And nary a blush touches the Senator’s cheek through all the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

The Politics of Poopy Heads

A reoccurring theme in Governor Palin’s both spoken and written apologia as to why she is unable to govern was the “politics of personal destruction.” Governor Palin’s career was destroyed by “political operatives” (cue the theme from Mission: Impossible!) who kept filing frivolous ethics complaints against her. Answering those complaints took up all the Governor’s time and money. Not to mention, it was just plain low down and mean.

NY Times conservative columnist Ross Douthat put it this way in his July 6 2006 column: 

Here are the lessons of the Sarah Palin experience, for any aspiring politician who shares her background and her sex. Your children will go through the tabloid ringer. Your religion will be mocked and misrepresented. Your political record will be distorted, to better parody your family and your faith. And a moron says what.

Mr. Ross Douthat. We are unable to
confirm nor deny whether the quote
"Damn it, Samsara Samizdat...stop 
writing about me...!" attributed to Mr.
Douthat, is genuine.

So I made up that last part. But come on--has Mr. Douthat been living in solitary confinement in a North Korean prison since 1988? What on earth has been said to or about Governor Palin (or her children) that even comes close to the vitriol and scorn poured on Hillary Clinton’s head? I don’t watch much television, but I’m pretty sure I’d have heard about it if someone had called one of the Palin daughters “the Juneau Statehouse Dog.” 

Has there been a considerable effort to accuse Governor Palin of murder, following the suicide of one of her friends, as happened to Secretary Clinton, following the death of Vince Foster? 

Has Sarah Palin had to spend years defending against truly frivolous actions, the likes of Whitewater, “Filegate” (over misplaced files in the White House), or “Travelgate” (the firing of the White House travel agents)? 

Have the “liberal bloggers” Governor Palin complains of launched a wholly frivolous lawsuit, as a naked, personal attack on her and the Governor’s office, as did the individuals behind Paula Jones’s suit against President Clinton?

Has Sarah Palin had to face an “independent” counsel like Ken Starr, who wrote a “report” about sexual acts between consenting adults, pointedly including details that were irrelevant to any ethical or legal violations, but were included solely to embarrass President Clinton?

Is there anyone, with any kind of platform, that has said about Governor Palin what Michael Savage has said about Secretary Hillary Clinton? (Admittedly, I try to be that mean—but poser that I am, I’m just not in Mr. Savage’s league).

Did anyone at a rally for President Obama yell that Governor Palin was a “terrorist,” and that someone should “kill” her? At one rally, it was Senator McCain—and not Governor Palin—who finally stood up and said that then Senator Obama was a “good American,” and not some fifth columnist for a totalitarian Islamic theocracy. 

No, all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune suffered by Governor Palin are not anything unusual (or even undeserved), and she has no business complaining about it.

Will the Real Sara Palin, Please Stand Up!

Ms. Anita Eckberg, demonstrating the
safe way to use a ladder while wearing
heels. Always good to know.

In his column, Mr. Douthat says “[i]f Palin were exactly what her critics believe she is—the distillation of every right-wing pathology, from anti-intellectualism to apocalyptic Christianity—then she wouldn’t be a terribly interesting figure. But this caricature has always missed the point of the Alaska governor’s appeal—one that extends well outside the Republican Party’s shrinking base.”

Critic that I am, OF COURSE I think Governor Palin is the distillation of every right-wing pathology, from anti-intellectualism to apocalyptic Christianity. But why do I think that? Because I’ve been paying attention to what Governor Palin says, that’s why. Maybe Mr. Douthat has some reason to suspect Governor Palin is lying when she says she is a fundamentalist Christian who believes her version of the Bible (in English) is the literal, infallible word of god (sic), that the world will end in cataclysmic fire on the Last Days, and that she believes in the Rapture, with Heaven for those who accept Jesus of Nazareth as the son of god and their personal savior, and Hell for everyone who doesn’t. I don’t know--she sounds sincere to me. Maybe she is just pretending--but I doubt it.

Yeah, I think that Governor Palin is “anti-intellectual,” and I would describe myself as “intellectual.” Admittedly, I am one snotty guy (and not just the booger kind). I actually own copies of Richard Hofstader’s Anti-Intellectualism in American Life;Dumbing Down, Essays on the Strip Mining of American Culture; Milovan Djilas’s The New Class, and a set of the pre-revised Great Books of the Western World. Ya feel me? (So I watch “The Wire.” See “poser,” supra). 

When I say “Sarah Palin is an anti-intellectual,” this is what I mean: Governor Palin has a shallow grasp of politics, history, and culture. She is proud of that fact, and believes that having a broad grasp of those issues is a disadvantage, usually because people who have such knowledge risk losing their common sense. Why do I think that about Sarah Palin? Well, just because she doesn’t SAY nattering nabobs of negativism, you just know (in her heart) that’s what she means when she attacks the Unrepresentative Eastern Liberal Elitist Media Establishment (the UELEME).

Again, I am not the only person who thinks so. The Washington Post’s Anne Applebaum felt compelled to respond to Governor Palin’s July 4 2009 broadsideagainst the “main stream” (Palin’s phase) media. After noting that Governor Palin accuses “Washington and the Media” of being unable to understand her (Governor Palin’s) decision to resign, because “it’s about country,” Ms. Applebaum says

In other words, for the past nine months, Palin has avoided difficult questions, preferring Runner's World to another Katie Couric interview; she has dragged her family into the spotlight when it suited her (baby Trig was in Runner's World, too) and grown angry when the spotlight became too strong; she has eschewed reason and logic (not to mention spelling and grammar), yet reacted in horror when her critics were unreasonable and illogical in response. Then, after all that, she smugly asserts the right to decide who is a patriot and who is not. It's not about "country," in other words, it's about hypocrisy. And Sarah Palin is full of it.

Ms. Jane Russell. Howard Hughes may not have known about some things, but one thing he did know about was where to put the gun in movie posters.

Let’s just say that reasonable minds may differ to the extent my own responses to Governor Palin are “illogical" and/or "unreasonable,” but no one can deny Governor Palin couldn’t name then (and has not since) a single source of where she gets her “news,” she has refused to be interviewed by anyone not named Sean Hannity (or the equivalent thereof), and her statement explaining her resignation reads like it was written by a below average high school student. More importantly, the fact that Governor Palin is troubled by none of these things, that puts her firmly in the anti-intellectualism camp.

Forget Annette Funicello. Who All is in the Sarah Palin Fan Club?

Mr. Douthat cites a Pew poll, finding that 46 percent of “independents” and 48 percent of Americans without a college education have a favorable impression of Governor Palin. Mr. Douthat’s point is

Palin’s popularity has as much to do with class as it does with ideology. In this sense, she really is the perfect foil for Barack Obama. Our president represents the meritocratic ideal[:] that anyone, from any background, can grow up to attend Columbia and Harvard Law School and become the great American success story. But Sarah Palin represents the democratic ideal[:] that anyone can grow up to be a great success story without graduating from Columbia and Harvard . . . [S]he’s an essential democratic role[:] the ordinary citizen who takes on the elites, the up-by-your-bootstraps role embodied by politicians from Andrew Jackson to Harry Truman.

Ms. Anita Eckberg, perhaps in a
dramatization of what happens to 
Alaskan politicians who fail to properly
report gifts of residential construction.
Please note I said "perhaps," because
I just can't be sure.

No, Sarah Palin is not a Harry Truman or an Andrew Jackson, using bootstraps to pull herself up. Here’s the crucial difference: those people are able to show that they are just as good, just as smart, and just as capable as the “meritocratic elites,” despite not attending Harvard Law School or Columbia. For example, Supreme Court Justice Hugo Black represents the “democratic ideal” Mr. Douthat alludes to. Love him or hate him, Justice Black certainly knew his onions. But he took the hard way to get to the Supreme Court. At age 17, without a high school diploma or a college education, he enrolled in University of Alabama School of Law. Prior to his appointment to the Supreme Court, his only judicial experience was in 1911, when he was a “police court” judge for a year. But if you ever asked Justice Black what he read, he would not have said “let me get back to you about that.” Justice Black—and not Sarah Palin—represents what is best about social mobility in America.

I mentioned earlier that I am a snob, that I am an elitist. That means when I needed surgery, the fact a particular surgeon may have had a favorable approval rating with 48 percent of Americans without a college education, that meant less than nothing to me. I wanted a surgeon who had a favorable approval rating with people who knew about the surgery I needed. Why should I be any less demanding (and snobby) about the caliber of my political leadership? 

Ms. Jayne Mansfield. This was my other
choice for lead photo. In some ways,
it's a nicer photo, but the other picture
just felt more Jayne Mansfieldy to me.

Right, now, we are facing the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. On the one hand, we have Sarah Palin, armed with platitudes like “[e]nergy independence and national security, fiscal restraint, smaller government, and local control have been my priorities and will remain my priorities.” On the other hand, there is Paul Krugman, who writes a column for the NY Times. He’s also a professor of economics and international affairs at Princeton University, and won the 2008 Nobel Prize for economics. He says we need more stimulus ie lots more government spending. 

Now, just because Paul Krugman has the kind of “big fat resume” that Governor Palin was dismissive of after she was named the 2008 GOP vice presidential candidate, does that mean Paul is right and Sarah is wrong? Of course not. For example, one of America’s greatest physicists was William Shockley, who won the Nobel Prize for his invention of the transistor. Dr. Shockley, who died in 1989, was also (arguably) a committed racist. So, for questions about electrons and holes in semiconductors, Dr. Shockley has my attention. But for questions about eugenics—no, he is not The Man.

Still, not all opinions are created equal, nor do they all deserve equal consideration. Looking at both Dr. Krugman and Governor Palin, I am persuaded by Dr. Krugman. As for the fact that almost half of the population without a college education find Governor Palin’s economic analysis more persuasive, for me that is a cause of concern about America's non- college educated. That fact alone, however, does not give any credence to Governor Palin’s opinions.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

No, we just can’t. 

One of the themes of Mr. Douthat’s article is that while Governor Palin certainly shot herself in the foot numerous times, the elititists still treated her unfairly, because of her gender and social class.

Not a pusillanimous pussyfooter.

No we didn’t (What? Samsara Samizdat may originate from Oregon, but it is still part of the Unrepresentative Eastern Liberal Elitist Media Establishment (the UELEME). This blog is filled withhopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history. Moreover, I can be just as much a pusillanimous pussyfooter as anyone. And since it began in 2007, there has been over (kind of) 400 hits. That counts. IT COUNTS!).

In 1970, Nebraska Senator Roman Hruska carved his niche in history, when on the Senate floor, he defended President Nixon’s nomination to the Supreme Court of notoriously mediocre G. Harrold Carswell, by declaring “[e]ven if he is mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre judges and people and lawyers. They are entitled to a little representation, aren't they, and a little chance? We can't have all Brandeises, Frankfurters and Cardozos.” 

Sorry--but no: the mediocrities do not deserve even a little chance. And yes, weshould aspire to have all Brandeises and Cardozos. More importantly, the press has the responsibility to point out who is mediocre and who is Benjamin Cardozo, and not mince words.

Ms. Jayne Mansfield. Pictures of women
sitting on diving boards appeal to me.
I'm just weird that way.

If you think you’re qualified to be vice president (if not president), then either learn how to write a coherent sentence--or don’t whine about the people with the bad manners to point out that you can’t. As EJ Dionne said, “I understand that the standard rules of journalism require an on-the-one-hand-on-the- other-hand treatment of this event by way of finding some potential silver lining in all this for Palin. But I honestly believe there is no on-the-other-hand here.” He then goes on to quote some of the more nonsensical excerpts from Governor Palin’s press release. But what else should he do? Pretend not to notice Governor Palin’s inability to write? Or make up some “on the other hand” justification for Governor Palin’s behavior, because she is too incompetent to do so for herself? 

How on earth can Governor Palin claim to have been mistreated (absent The Bob Rule about not being embarrassed by anything)? In her statement, Governor Palin insists “[e]very one – all 15 of the ethics complaints have been dismissed. We’ve won!” No, she didn’t “win” every one of the complaints. She is just wrong. At a minimum, Governor Palin has had to reimburse the State for some of her children’s travel expenses. Additionally, the state legislature concluded that Governor Palin did in fact abuse her powers, when she tried to get her ex-brother in law (the state trooper) fired. But who else besides Samsara Samizdat has had the bad manners to point that out?

Ms. Jane Russell. This was the famous 
picture I was looking for earlier. For
me, part of Ms. Russell's appeal is her
ability to look good--no matter how
idiotic the setting.

What would have happened to Dwight Eisenhower, if in 1958 he had written:

[I]t may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: "Sit down and shut up”, but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quiter’s way out. And a problem in out country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and "go with the flow".

I’m not sure whether the responses would have been illogical and unreasonable, but you better believe they would have been pointed.

Eugene Robinson is absolutely correct when he takes Governor Palin to task for her assertion that “And (sic) though it's honorable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make.” Mr. Robinson asks:

"What is she talking about? Who are these "countless others" who supposedly have made the same decision to abandon governorships for no credible reason? The names don't come rushing to mind. Why is any criticism of Poor Little Sarah the result of the "different standard" that mean old "Washington and the media" always apply? Because blaming her favorite alleged persecutors allows her to ignore the bewildered reaction from her constituents in Alaska who are stunned and mystified at her decision to skip out."

More to the point, it is intellectually dishonest for “Washington and the media” to notreport that following her resignation, Governor Palin is either delusional or deliberately talking nonsense to hide something….like maybe (for instance) she just plain lacks the ability and wherewithal to be a Governor of even a small state. 

Or maybe (I'm just saying) Governor Palin is trying to dodge a civil (as opposed to criminal) investigation by the IRS (as opposed to the Department of Justice) that some or all of her 34,500 square foot house that was ostensively built by her fisherman husband and a few of his buddies was in fact given to her by some of the contractors who were awarded bids for construction of the Wasilla Sports Complex and the Palins “forgot” to include the gift as income on their income tax return or report it as a contribution which then Mayor Palin may have been required to do so by state and/or federal law.

Ms. Anita Eckberg. "Damn it! I WARNED you to stop asking me who paid for my house!"

Not that I’m re-publishing defamation or propagating defamatory material without answering to it in a court of law or being responsible for the abuse of my right to free speech under the Alaska Constitution or continuing to publish falsehoods of criminal activity that is reckless, done without any regard for the truth, and is actionable or anything……….

I’m just asking here: who built and paid for the Palins' Wasilla home?

You Won't Have Sarah Palin's Higher Power to Kick Around Anymore

Ms. Jayne Mansfield. Again, when you're
going to throw a hissy fit and go into
great detail about financing residential
construction, you really have to start 
strong.

This is going to be a very angry note, written by a very cranky guy. When I find myself getting cranky-angry, what helps is to think on people who are gentle cats; the kind of people we (here, I really mean “me”) should try harder to emulate. Lucky for me, my friend Bob is exactly one of those people: he is, by any measure, a good guy. Thinking on Bob helps me to be less angry. 

Now that I am also less cranky, I will say that when the final roll is called up yonder, I will do my level best to ensure my friend Bob (among other accomplishments) is also known for two things. First, “Chicken Bob” which is a delicious way to prepare barbeque chicken (see infra), and “The Bob Rule.” 

I first met Bob when I was a low level flunky at the State Legislature, and Bob was a medium-high level state employee, doing a bunch of testifying or advising or some such. After one particularly trying day of fighting for Truth, Justice, and The Oregon Way (don’t ask), Bob and I were heading home when he turned to me and said “You know what it takes to be a successful politician? Not brains, talent, ambition, savvy, common sense—none of that. To be a successful politician, you have to have only one thing, and that’s absolutely no sense of self-consciousness or embarrassment.” I stopped dead, and thought about every political person I knew or had read about, and realized that Bob had found the one common denominator they all shared: everyone of them were able to say something completely crazy in all good conscience, even if they knew what they were saying was crazy.

That conversation was over twenty years ago, and nothing that has happened since then to put even a dent in The Bob Rule. I am telling you the story of Bob, because the latest twist and shake of the Sarah Palin saga has brought The Bob Rule back to the fore.

By now, certainly everyone reading this is well aware that Alaska’s own Sarah Palin has seen fit to resign as Governor. 

Princess Grace. Say what you want 
about The Princess, but all her public
statements had good grammar and 
correct punctuation.

You are also probably aware of the contradictory and nonsensical nature of her statement “explaining” why she was resigning. If you have not read it, here it is. I urge all of you to read it. At another time, I will go into how appalled I am at the poor punctuation and grammar of seemingly everyone in the Alaska Governor’s office (What--no one owns a copy of Strunk & White?), but suffice to say, this statement raises many more questions than it answers.

So, intrepid people that we are, legions (we are called “Legion,” for we are many) have leaped forward to suggest reasons as to why Governor Palin resigned. For example, my niece the notorious troublemaker suggested that Governor Palin resigned, because Governor Palin felt bad after reading all the terrible things I wrote about her. I wish. 

But apparently, some Bloggers (not me) have really hurt Governor Palin’s feelings. On July 4 2009, Mr. Thomas Van Flein, an attorney representing Sarah Palin, released a statement, threatening legal action against said Bloggers (again, not me. Damn it!). I cannot find the actual statement, so if you have the link, let me know and I will include it. Here is the Associated Press article where I took this quote from Mr. Van Flein’s statement:

"To the extent several websites, most notably liberal Alaska blogger Shannyn Moore, are now claiming as 'fact' that Governor Palin resigned because she is 'under federal investigation' for embezzlement or other criminal wrongdoing, we will be exploring legal options this week to address such defamation . . . This is to provide notice to Ms. Moore, and those who re-publish the defamation, such as Huffington Post, MSNBC, the New York Times and The Washington Post, that the Palins will not allow them to propagate defamatory material without answering to this in a court of law."

Ms. Ava Gardner. After you've been
married to Mickey Rooney, Artie Shaw,
Howard Hughes, AND Frank Sinatra,
people know better than to threaten 
you.

Well, shut my mouth. I have no idea whoShannyn Moore is (besides the fact she seems to be from Homer, AK), but I have seen the allegations that Mr. Van Flein is talking about. I am going to repeat them RIGHT HERE, courtesy of Facebook and Samsara Samizdat. Why? Because manuscripts don’t burn, as they say where I (kind of) come from.

What is it with politicians in Alaska? The Mrs. and Uncle Ted Stevens were able to “remodel” a mountain cabin, by getting $410,000. of work, with only having to pay $160,000. I guess the secret is hiring the right building contractor, which in Senator Stevens’s case was the chief executive of an oil services company that (back in the day) did a whole bunch of government work. If you want to know more about The Ted Stevens Story, you can go here.

But what are the rumours of “embezzlement” and “other criminal wrong doing” targeted at poor Sarah Palin? Well, it involves the family homestead. From the Daily Kos, here is a picture of the two story, four bedroom, four bath, 3,450 sq. foot lakeside shack that the Palins call home, valued at $552,000. All well and good. What’s not so good is that some people are asking where did the house come from. The Official Story is husband Todd Palin built the house with “a few friends [unspecified] who were contractors.” 

The Palin Plaza. Just a little something Todd & the boys threw together one afternoon. Kind of.

What’s getting “re-published” is that at the same time that La Casa Palin was built, just down the road the Wasilla Sports Complex, a $12.5 million public works project, was built by Howdie Inc., a primarily residential contractor owned by one Mr. Howard Nugent. Who is Howard Nugent? Among other things, he’s a financial contributor to Sarah Palin. Many of the army of subcontractors building the Wasilla Sports Complex were also Palin contributors. If you want to see the whole laundry list, here is a link.

One of the bigger subcontractors for the Sports Complex was Spenard Builders Supply (SBS). To be fair, SBS is described as Alaska’s leading supplier of wood, floor, roof, and other building materials. However, SBS is also a sponsor of Todd Palin’s snowmobile racing team, and hired Sarah to act in a statewide television commercial in 2004. In 2002, SBS supplied the materials for both the Sports Complex, and the Palin home.

Ms. Hedy Lamarr. She has nothing to do
with this note. I needed to include her
in my hissy fits on same-sex 
marriages, because she had a boatload
of Reno divorces.

So, what’s the story?

Here’s what gets the Palins (and their attorneys) all excited: the story circulating the “liberal blogosphere” (as opposed to the usual suspects that make up the Unrepresentative Eastern Liberal Media Establishment (the UELME)) is (part one) SBS and the contractors who built the Wasilla Sports Complex are the “buddies” who “helped” Todd Palin build the Palin home, (part two) they built the Palin house in exchange for then Mayor Sarah’s awarding of contracts for building the Wasilla Sports Complex. And (part three) Sarah Palin suddenly decided to resign as Governor not because everything is going great in Alaska (it’s not); nor because Alaska is projecting a $1.3 billion budget gap for fiscal year 2010 (which is 30% of the state’s total budget), and Sarah Palin is not up to the demands of dealing with the fiscal crisis (she’s not); but because she is trying to head off an investigation into who gave the Palins’ their home, and what benefits they received in exchange for the largess. 

The Palin camp’s self-righteous chest thumping centers around allegations that there is a pending “criminal” investigation or a “federal” investigation. For example, in a July 4 2009 article, the Anchorage Daily News quotes Van Flein saying “I can say definitively I am aware of no criminal investigation whatsoever involving Sarah Palin. Zero.” What does that mean? Well, it could mean there is an ethical investigation, which is civil as opposed to criminal. Or it could mean there is an investigation involving the Palin home, as opposed to investigating Sarah Palin personally. Or it could mean there are boatloads of investigations of Sarah Palin—only Van Flein is “not aware” of them. But does Mr. Van Flein’s statement mean that SBS and Howard Nugent did not build and pay for the Palins’ home? Not even vaguely.

Still, the same Anchorage Daily News article goes on to quote Mr. Van Flein saying “[t]he Palins used a combination of personal savings, equity from the sale of their private home, and conventional bank financing to build the house, like millions of American families.” Okay----but did the Palins get a deal, like Uncle Ted, in that they paid in the neighborhood of thirty cents on a dollar for work and materials? Proving that would be easy enough, but apparently Mr. Van Flein’s statement failed to include particulars.

So, ‘splain it to me, Ricky: why is the blogosphere in an uproar?

Ms. Jane Russell. I have to start spicing
it up, because my note is really starting
to lag here.

First, we have Ted Stevens failing to disclose on his ethics statements that he received $410,000. of cabin renovation, but paid only $160,000. Did the Palins receive such a deal? When I bought my fixer-upper house, it needed re-wiring, re-plumbing, a new roof, replacing roughly a third of the sill, and gutting the bathroom. Now, let’s say some conservative gadfly claimed that rumour has it the Democratic National Committee, Americans United for Separation of Church and State, the ACLU, and the First Church of Satan (Reformed) together pooled their funds to rebuild my house—all in an effort to secretly support Samsara Samizdat. Unfortunately, I can show that the roofers, plumbers, electrician, and carpenter were all paid one hundred cents on the dollar by me, and (despite my best efforts) they did not give a rat’s ass about my opinions on anything. There is no reason why the Palins could not do the same.

Second, people not from Alaska may ask why not just go look at the building permits, and see who were the Palins’ contractors? Here’s why not: as Mayor of Wasilla, Sarah Palin blocked an effort to require the filing of building permits, so there is no public record of just who the elves were who built the Palin home.

Not the contractors who helped Todd
Palin build the family homestead.

Next, despite the wide ranging accomplishments and skills attributed to Todd Palin in GOP hagiography, Todd Palin is still a fisherman and a part-time oil worker. While Mr. Palin may truly be “no stranger to construction,” as Mr. Van Flein claims, that’s a far cry from being able to build two story, 3,500 square foot home. Maybe Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney were able to throw together Broadway caliber shows in an Uncle’s barn with costumes left over from the school play—but that was in the movies. A handyman (no matter how handy) cannot build a two story home with the help of “a few buddies.”

Fourth, why is Governor Palin suddenly resigning now? On its face, her statement makes no sense at all. The timing is also strange: the Friday of a three day weekend? Either Sarah Palin truly is erratic and irresponsible, or there is some other reason she is rushing out the door. The sloppy nature of her statement also suggests the timing was rushed, despite Governor Palin’s insistence that “this decision has been in the works for awhile.” Additionally, the statement is especially bitter about what Governor Palin feels are frivolous ethics complaints, strongly implying that those complaints have driven her from office.

Ms. Mamie Van Doren. It only looks like she's playing in the sand. She's actually working on the foundation for a new Governor's mansion. Honest.

Finally, as the article in the Anchorage Daily News reports, rumours about how the Palins' house was built have been around since the house built in 2002. As I said, proving that the Palins did not receive any special “deals” on labour or materials would be easy enough. Why haven’t they done so? Because it is none of our business how they built their house and who paid for it? Sorry--but no. If you hold public office, it most certainly is my business who all is giving you free stuff—whether or not there are any “federal” or “criminal” investigations pending that you are “aware of.”

But getting back to The Bob Rule, that the single most important quality of a successful politician is to have absolutely no sense of self-consciousness or embarrassment, could you hope for a better example that this quote from Governor Palin’s “explanation” for her resignation: 

[I]t may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: “Sit down and shut up”, but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out. And a problem in our country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and “go with the flow”. (All punctuation and grammar in original).

Is it so hard to believe that like Senator Stevens, Sarah Palin honestly feels her public service entitles her to a free house, and that she should be excused from having to admit that she has received such a blessing? I'm just asking here.

In the meantime, New York Times v. Sullivan is still good law, and I fully intend to “re-publish” everything I see fit, regardless if in Mr. Van Flein’s view it is “defamatory,” and I will certainly do my part to “propagate defamatory material.” As for “answering to this in a court of law,” as they say in the mystery stories: Bring it. And don’t stop to pick any flowers.

Ms. Corrine Calvert. You will have to
makeup your own snarky comment 
about Governor Palin for this photo.
I've run out. Sorry.

Chicken Bob

This recipe is simplicity itself. First, make a marinade as follows. I can never remember the exact ratios, but it’s something like this: two part soy sauce and one part vegetable oil, add like half a teaspoon powdered ginger (more if you like it real gingery, less if you don’t want it so gingery). Put the chicken inside a ziplock plastic bag, to maximize marinade contact with chicken.

Now, Bob lets the chicken marinate between 45 minutes to an hour. I like chicken with lots of soy and lots of ginger, so I let it sit overnight. However you do it, discard the marinade, and barbeque the chicken over a medium fire, being careful not to overcook it (unless you like it that way).

Chicken Bob goes especially well with corn on the cob, and pretty much everything else.