Speaking of People I Hate........

Palin Signs Deal to Write a Memoir
NY Times, May 12, 2009

“There’s been so much written about and spoken about in the mainstream media and in the anonymous blogosphere world, that this will be a wonderful, refreshing chance for me to get to tell my story, that a lot of people have asked about, unfiltered,” Ms. Palin told The A.P.

Ms. Sarah Palin: "Not only am I an idiot, I
play one on TV!"

I first heard of this momentous event in the history of publishing, when I got an e-mail from my niece, offering to reserve a copy of Ms. Palin's auto de fe I mean autobiography on Amazon.com. My niece's e-mail linked me to this NY TImes article, which also states that Ms. Palin felt "much maligned" by the news coverage during her run as vice president.

Now, I COULD get real catty here, and say that I told my niece not to reserve me a copy--I'd get one at my local used bookstore that only had some of the pictures colored in. Or I COULD say "anonymous blogosphere world"? That's bullshit! My name was all over all those pieces where I called Sarah Palin "dumber than a box of rocks"! I COULD even say "Sarah Palin wants to get her story out to Amerika (sic) "unfiltered"? How quaint--Just like the way Alaska sends it's raw sewage out to the ocean......."

But I'm not going to say any of those things (and not just because I already just said them).

Mr. Cranky. He may not have a Phd in
"pheelm," but he knows what he
doesn't like.

It's times like this when I think back on my favorite movie reviewer, Mr. Cranky--whom I love with all my heart. Why do I love Mr. Cranky? It's not just because we are both cranky and hate movies, it's because Mr. Cranky speaks to me. When I may not be clear in my own head why a movie sucks, Mr. Cranky will cause the clouds to part, the fog to lift, and the suckiness to suck (okay--that didn't come out right).

For example, a few years ago, when the Resident Evil series was barely a series, with maybe only two films in the proverbial can, Mr. Cranky wrote: "This is nothing more than a remake of "Night of the Living Dead," which pretty much makes it critic-proof. I mean, what am I supposed to say about a zombie movie? I don't like zombie movies? That's great, and I don't, but it's not exactly the sort of criticism that holds any weight." 

This is supposed to be Ms. Deborah Kerr.
But I don't mind, even if she's not.

And ultimately, that has to be how I feel about Sarah Palin's "memoir." Don't let me shock you: she's just going to hire one of the usual gang of idiots to ghostwrite it, and it'll be one long inarticulate screed about the "sexism" of the Unrepresentative Eastern Liberal Media Establishment (the UELME). Now, noodlebrains (like me) will no doubt wait until until the book hits the two dollar remainder bin, then buy it and write a furious, slashing review about what a piece of crap both the book and Sarah Palin are (that's my plan for Clarence Thomas and his book, My Grandfather's Son--but it's still stuck at the three dollar level). And that's great and all, but as Mr. Cranky would say, that's not the sort of criticism that holds any weight. Why? Because the kind of people who are going to buy a copy of Ms. Palin's book (or get one for free from one of the rightwing fake foundations that buy unreadable books by conservatives by the carload, all in an effort to skew the NY Times Bestseller Lists) aren't going to be reading Samsara Samizdat. Which would hurt my feelings real bad---but I know they aren't going to read Ms. Palin's book either. They'll get the book, admire the nice picture of Sarah's grinning mug on the cover, leave it on the coffee table for about a month, and then in six months, give it to Goodwill because they need the bookshelf space for a new nicknack. Those are Sarah Palin's people, and she feels she is under no obligation to be accountable to anyone else.

Ms. Linda Darnel. When you're writing 
something about Sarah Palin, Clarence
Thomas, AND Katherine Harris--you KNOW
you better also come across with 
something good.

How do I know this? Just look at the example of Ms. Katherine Harris. In 2000, Ms. Harris was Florida's Secretary of State, and co-chair of the Florida Campaign for George W. Bush (no conflict of interest there). Following that toothache of an election, Ms. Harris went on to run for Congress, and complain bitterly on a few "Christian" radio stations about the "sexism" of the Unrepresentative Eastern Liberal Media Establishment (the UELME). Specifically, Ms. Harris insisted "they" deliberately screwed with the resolution of her photos, to make her look like a witch (or something like that). Did that actually happen? Of course not. But any criticism of Ms. Harris for saying that, as Mr. Cranky would say, didn't hold any weight with zombie fans.

Not Margaret Hamilton.

An yet--as Hunter S. Thompson was always fond of saying: "The Scum Also Rises." Katherine Harris is no longer in congress, because while she MAY not be a crooked idiot, she certainly engaged in a battery of actions that gave every appearance of being both idiotic and crooked. 

What I mean to say is, you can put put lipstick on a pig. You can ghostwrite her memoirs. You can even put her on Fox News, and have all the usual gang of idiots kiss her ass until it's blistered. But at the end of the day, you're still going to have a pig with lipstick. And in a democracy, you just have to trust the people will know which side their bacon's buttered on. Or something like that....

Ms. Lena Horne. In a painful, painful note
like this, you gotta finish strong. Really
strong.

In the meantime, as Mr. Cranky said in his review of New York Minute: "If you stand under a urinating elephant, you're going to get pissed on. I got pissed on, but it wasn't like I didn't expect it." 

Does anyone care that me and Mr. Cranky step up and stand under the urinating elephant? That's the wrong question. In the immortal words of Gene Autry: it's better to light a single candle, than curse the darkness. Me and Mr. Cranky--We're on a mission from god: I've got the Sarah Palin and Katherine Harris beat, and he's got the Olsen twins (which hardly seems fair, but I'm not going to quibble).

But all that said, am I really the kind of a guy who would post a link to a clip making fun of Sarah Palin's clothes? Of course not.

Or a clip calling Governor Palin A "hypocritical nut"? Perish the thought!

Or a clip calling Governor Palin A big loser? 

At long last, Mr. Abendroth, have you shame? Have you no sense of decency? No. No, I really don't.